My phone reads text message aloud now.
"I need physical intimacy" sounds so robotic and perfect on that electronic female tongue. For a split second it all became clear because of this feature on my phone. Of course it was all gone the next moment, but I understood it all and it tugged at my heartstrings (sorry for the cliche) for a little while at least.
I have a love/hate relationship with the fact that I fall into patterns and habits with people. I both love and hate familiarity, because as soon as something becomes familiar, regular, and comfortable, the fear of losing it creeps up as well. Then when I actually lose it, I become so disconnected and foreign feeling. And it's near impossible to find that same comfort in something new.
I enjoy the signs and questions of meeting new people. The single life is okay. I don't mind it. I've gone through worse experiences. It just takes forever to really put the past in the past. Especially when you're face to face with it just about everyday.
I should probably start writing again. Things would probably make more sense and I might actually be able to process things.
Anyway, Death Cab still reminds me of him. I'm pretty sure it always will. Especially this album.
time for the final bout. rows of deserted houses:
all our stable mates are highway bound.
give us our measly sum:
getting the air inside my lungs is heavenly.
we're starting out with nothing but crippling doubt.
we'll rest easy (justified).
I've suffered a swift defeat, I'll endure countless repeats.
the gift of memory is an awful curse.
with age it just gets much worse, but I won't mind.
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